Working with Protective Parts: They're On Your Side
Listen, not with judgment, but with curiosity.
That critical voice in your head? The one that says you're not doing enough, not good enough, not worthy enough?
It's not your enemy. It's a protective part of you that's been working overtime.
When I started exploring my harsh inner critic, I discovered something surprising. This part wasn't trying to tear me down—it was desperately trying to keep me safe from rejection by pointing out every possible flaw before someone else could.
Our protective parts develop for good reasons. The perfectionist that exhausts you? It's trying to shield you from criticism. The people-pleaser that says yes to everything? It's working to keep you from abandonment.
The problem isn't having these parts—it's that they're using outdated strategies from when you were small and had fewer resources.
Try this: Next time a protective part flares up—maybe it's anxiety before a meeting or anger when someone crosses a boundary—pause and say: "I see you're trying to protect me. Thank you. What are you afraid would happen if you didn't do this job?"
Then listen, not with judgment, but with curiosity.
When we acknowledge these parts instead of fighting them, something magical happens. They begin to relax. They don't need to shout to be heard.
Your protective parts aren't the problem. They're part of the solution when you learn to work with them instead of against them.
My approach to this is deeply inspired by Richard Schwartz, parts work. Here is a book I highly recommend. If you liked this newsletter, I think you will enjoy this as well.
