SHOW NOTES
About the Guest
Erin Washington is a best-selling author, wellness podcast host, and founder dedicated to helping women feel seen, empowered, and less alone. She hosts the Therein P with Erin Washington Podcast, sharing raw, honest conversations about body image, self-worth, sobriety, co-parenting, and life’s messiest transitions. A former Division I soccer athlete, Erin struggled with disordered eating and body image for decades before finding peace in her late 30s. In 2022, she founded the nonprofit Blue Butterfly Foundation, creating safe spaces for teenage girls to build confidence and resilience. She lives in the Atlanta area with her two children, and her books include Squats and Margaritas, From Pain to Purpose: Finding Meaning in the Mess, and the forthcoming children’s book I’m Just Like Me.
Episode Summary
In one of the most raw and moving conversations in the Wisdom From Within series, Jen Aks sits down with Erin Washington for an honest, deeply personal exploration of shame, the body, and what happens when you finally let the truth out. Erin shares her journey from Division I soccer athlete to a decade-long battle with bulimia — a secret she was determined to take to her grave — to the moment a writing coach told her no one would listen unless she told the truth. She did. And the world opened up. Erin also unpacks human design and sacral generators, the miraculous story behind the Blue Butterfly Foundation, and why she filed for divorce — not despite her kids, but for them. This episode is a masterclass in courageous vulnerability.
What You’ll Learn
• How Erin built her entire identity around soccer from age four — and what happened when she walked away from it in college
• The difference between anorexia and exercise bulimia — and why the latter is so widely unrecognized
• Why Erin was determined never to share her story — and what her writing coach said that changed everything
• What it physically feels like in the body to release a secret you’ve carried for decades
• How to find purpose inside the darkest thing you’re hiding — and why that darkness is probably what’s holding you back
• What human design is, what a sacral generator is, and how getting a reading gave Erin permission to fully trust her body
• The three real-life stories behind the Blue Butterfly Foundation — and the airport bin that made Erin’s whole body shake
• How the Blue Butterfly Foundation events actually work — format, age range, small groups, moms, and sound baths
• Why Erin filed for divorce — and the powerful question she asked herself about what she was modeling for her daughter
• What to do if you haven’t found something that profoundly lights you up yet
Key Concepts Introduced
• Courageous Vulnerability — Erin’s core practice: sharing the exact thing you were never going to share, because that’s where the magic is
• The Body Keeps the Score — even if you’ve stopped the behavior, you’re still carrying it until you release it
• Human Design / Sacral Generator — a system for understanding how your body naturally makes decisions; for sacral generators, bodily feelings are the knowing
• The Blue Butterfly — Erin’s sign from the universe, and the name of her nonprofit foundation for teenage girls
• Modeling vs. Performing — the idea that staying in an unaligned life for the sake of others is actually modeling the wrong thing
• Purpose Through Pain — the framework that any dark thing you’ve survived holds the seed of your greatest contribution
Resources & People Mentioned
• Therein P with Erin Washington Podcast — available wherever you listen to podcasts; new episodes every Monday
• Squats and Margaritas: A Journey to Finding Balance — Erin’s first book
• From Pain to Purpose: Finding Meaning in the Mess — Erin’s second book, available on Amazon
• I’m Just Like Me — Erin’s upcoming children’s book about comparison and self-acceptance (biracial kids, tall daughters, different shoes)
• Blue Butterfly Foundation — nonprofit for girls ages 12–20; Instagram: @thebluebutterflyies; DM to bring an event to your city
• Instagram: @iamerinwashington (personal) and @therinpy_with_erin_washington (show)
• Human Design — a personality/decision-making system; Erin’s type is sacral generator
• Jen Aks episode on the Therein P podcast — referenced as a recent guest episode
Quotes From This Episode
“I’ll give you a hint — it’s whatever you’re thinking of right now. Get in there. That is where the magic is.”
“I could just go to my grave and nobody would ever know. But she pushed me — and the weight I had been carrying for decades was off.”
“It’s only heavy because it’s in the dark. Once you talk about it, it’s out. And you can live now.”
“Once I got the big thing off, I could talk vulnerably about the next thing. Everything evolved from there.”
“I named it Blue Butterfly because an actual blue butterfly was coming to my doorstep every day until I got the message — and then it left.”
“I had to file for divorce because she’s watching me. And I would never want her to accept the behaviors I was accepting.”
“You have to put 100% of yourself, authentically, out into the world — then sit back. My show fell in my lap.”
CHAPTER MARKERS
00:00 Opening: Courageous Vulnerability
Jen opens with an emotional tribute to Erin — calling her the greatest example of courageous vulnerability she knows.
00:45 Welcome & Podcast Intro
Jen formally welcomes listeners and introduces the Wisdom From Within mission: human stories that awaken leadership from within.
01:10 Introducing Erin Washington
Jen reads Erin’s full bio: author, podcast host, Division I athlete, founder of the Blue Butterfly Foundation.
04:01 The Invitation to Dive In
Erin accepts the warmth and sets the stage: I always say my journey starts with soccer.
04:56 Soccer Was Her Identity
From age four to Division I, Erin made soccer her entire sense of worth — and nobody else in her family did.
06:00 Anorexia, Then Exercise Bulimia
The evolution from restriction to working off every calorie — and why the coach’s words about her strength finally forced her to eat.
07:30 Quitting Soccer — and Falling Apart
Erin quits her sophomore year, realizes the depth of her identity crisis, and falls into depression and full-blown bulimia.
08:30 Validating Through an NFL Husband
With no self-worth, Erin found value in being chosen by someone shiny — and it worked, until she found her own worth.
09:15 Finding Self-Worth and Losing Her Marriage
The moment Erin stepped into herself, her relationship fell away. She filed for divorce two and a half years ago.
09:45 Squats and Margaritas to Therein P
The pivot: from a body-focused brand to sobriety, mental health, co-parenting, and raw weekly conversations.
10:07 How Does Vulnerability Feel In Your Body?
Jen asks the question. Erin’s answer: lighter. The weight of decades — off.
11:10 The Secret She Was Taking to Her Grave
Homecoming queen, prom queen, soccer captain — and hiding bulimia from everyone. Nobody knew.
12:00 The Writing Coach Who Changed Everything
No credibility unless you share your story. Erin resisted for months. Then she wrote it — and didn’t even send it back yet.
13:00 It’s Whatever You’re Thinking of Right Now
Erin speaks directly to the listener: whatever came to mind just now — that’s the thing. Get in there. That’s where the magic is.
14:53 Jen Shares Her Own Shame
Jen opens up about feeling stupid in school, low SAT scores, and leaving parties the moment Trivial Pursuit came out.
16:48 How Long Did It Take to Write It?
Erin describes trying to write around the truth — and how her pride finally let it out at age 38.
18:00 It’s Only Heavy Because It’s Tucked Away
Once the big thing is off, everything else becomes easier to look at. Erin traces the chain: bulimia → drinking → marriage.
19:00 Human Design & the Sacral Generator
Erin introduces human design: a system that tells you how your body naturally makes decisions. Hers is sacral generator — body feelings are the knowing.
20:30 Saving Lives She Wasn’t Supposed to See
Three stories: the elderly neighbor being dragged by her car, the man in a diabetic coma, the child in the pool. All felt in the body before they made sense.
22:23 The Reading Gave Her Permission
Once the human design reading confirmed what she’d always felt, Erin fully stepped into trusting her body’s guidance.
23:37 Validation, Trust, and the Permission We All Need
Jen reflects: we all want someone to say yes, you’re right to listen to yourself. That external nudge isn’t weakness — it’s part of the journey.
25:12 Leadership Through Vulnerability
Jen asks: how has all of this impacted your leadership in the world? Erin traces the evolution from fitness influencer to life-changing nonprofit founder.
26:05 The Evolution: From Abs to Alignment
Squats and margaritas was the brand. But once the big thing was off, the next level emerged: sobriety, divorce, real conversations.
27:30 Why Blue Butterfly Foundation Exists
Erin describes the moment she knew: there needs to be a place where women who’ve been through this share their stories, so teenage girls feel seen.
28:26 How Blue Butterfly Events Work
The format: six speakers, 20-minute presentations, lunch, small groups, panel Q&A — for girls ages 12 to 20. Moms welcome to stay.
30:13 Do You Have Gratitude for Yourself?
Jen stops the conversation: we need to pause. Erin admits she rarely does this. A quiet, important moment.
31:28 The Push to Produce vs. Simply Being
Erin reflects on her drive to leave tangible things for the world — and why she needs to remind herself that she already has value.
32:16 Bodyset, Pausing, and Morning Texts
Jen reminds Erin: the moment to pause is essential. They share the bodyset practice they did before recording.
35:41 Where Did the Name Blue Butterfly Come From?
A real blue butterfly appeared on Erin’s doorstep — every day for two weeks — until she named the foundation. Then it left.
37:30 The Atlanta Airport Bin
The busiest airport in the world. One bin. A blue butterfly sticker. Erin’s whole body shakes. Keep going.
39:30 Signs Are Everywhere Once You Look Up
Blue butterflies on license plates, backpacks, walls — but only once you stop looking at your phone.
41:11 The Permission to Begin
Jen wraps the Blue Butterfly story with an invitation to listeners: begin. It doesn’t all happen fast. Just open.
42:28 It’s Only Uncomfortable Because You Haven’t Gotten In There
Erin’s final push: once it’s out, it’s not heavy anymore. It was only scary because it was tucked away.
43:00 Shame Can Be Your Power
Jen reframes the conditioning: what the world taught us to hide is often the very thing that becomes our greatest strength.
43:37 Why She Filed for Divorce — For Her Daughter
Erin explains: I could not show my daughter that the behaviors I was accepting are what love looks like.
45:01 Jen Shares Her Own Divorce
Jen opens up: I was scared out of my mind. But going within and asking what am I modeling — that was the answer.
46:42 What to Say to the Person Who Can’t Hear Their Body Yet
Erin’s message to the 10-, 15-, or 50-year-old who knows something is there but doesn’t trust it yet: you are enough.
48:38 Where to Find Erin & Blue Butterfly
Instagram, the podcast, From Pain to Purpose on Amazon, and the upcoming children’s book I’m Just Like Me.
49:59 Closing with Love
Jen closes with gratitude. Erin closes with: it’s such a pleasure to be in your orbit.
CONNECT WITH ERIN
• Instagram: @iamerinwashington
• Podcast Instagram: @therinpy_with_erin_washington — new episodes every Monday
• Blue Butterfly Foundation Instagram: @thebluebutterflyies — DM to bring an event to your city
• From Pain to Purpose: Finding Meaning in the Mess — available on Amazon
• Coming Soon: I’m Just Like Me — a children’s book about comparison and self-acceptance
If this episode moved you, share it with someone who’s still carrying the thing they were never going to share. This might be the permission they’ve been waiting for.
